Top 5 Telling Mistakes
So I’ve been editing my novel, sifting through the garbage for that rare gem, and looking for patterns in my flaws Looking for patterns is a great way to find your weaknesses, so that as you continue to write you make conscious decisions NOT to make those mistakes again. Perhaps you use too many unique dialogue tags. Maybe you pick the same three features for every character when you describe them: hair, skin, eyes, etc. Or maybe your first draft is just overflowing with instance of ‘telling’ like mine is.
I tried to avoid your typical ‘he was angry, she was sad,’ but I’ve soon realized I tell into other pitfalls, some of which can be even more jarring.
NUMBER 1: Telegraphing Story Clues
This one is hard for me, because I get so enthused about my story and world I’m tempted to explain clues instead of letting the reader figure it out for themselves. What ends up happening is you break the tension and leave the reader uninvested in that clue. Think about Jon Snow. Had Eddard told him, in book one, the history of his birth, it would have taken away the enjoyment of that subplot.
Example:
“You had to know. So, why didn’t you attack before now?”
She trembled and sobbed. “Because of the celestial.”
“What celestial?”
“The boy that follows that Sage girl. He’s been picking off the soldiers. He could have allies. We had to wait for him to be gone.”
In this bit of my story, I’m wanting to reveal not only that one character knows more than he lets on, but may have a secret agenda. However, by telling this clue outright it doesn’t give the reader an opportunity to wonder and speculate.
So fixing this problem, I need to decide what information is relevant in the moment and what is just there for me. In this case, the reader doesn’t need to know about celestials. It isn’t relevant to the scene and just mucks up the flow.
Example fix:
“You had to know. So, why didn’t you attack before now?”
She trembled and sobbed. “Because of the boy.”
“What boy?”
“The one that’s been picking off my soldiers. He could have allies. We had to wait for him to be gone.”
NUMBER 2: World History
This one most of us can be guilty of, because we want the reader to know just how in depth our worlds are. The problem I ran into is, the second a beta reader poses a question like: What is the Split? Who are the Sovereigns? What are the crystals for? I immediately go into ‘must share all details’ mode. And I end up with random bits of world history exposition thrown in, just to answer some of those questions, instead of letting the reader piece it together naturally. Not that I can’t have any world history exposition, but telling it instead of having it develop pulls the reader out of the story momentarily. So it should be used sparingly.
Example:
The girl was kneeling, parting the bushes, and sifting the soil through her fingers. “Did you know that this entire place is magically charged?” she asked, plucking an amethyst from the soil. “I mean, it had to be, given the Great Rift was strong enough to cause the San Andreas fault line to split, but still.”
I can’t express how clunky and aggravating this bit of the scene was for me. And I wrote it. It’s like I felt this need to explain as plainly as possible what the split was, by forcing it into a conversation as awkwardly as possible. I physically cringe at myself when I read this. DON’T do as I did.
NUMBER 3: Too MUCH Dialogue!!!
Another method I’ve used to ‘tell’ is via dialogue. It’s like I thought “You know what? I should just get all this information out in dialogue because then I’m not ‘telling’, because it’s a conversation.” I felt so proud of myself for discovering this pathetic attempt at a loophole. So if I wanted to share someone’s backstory, dialogue. Want to show my students going to classes, what better method than to have them talk about going to classes. Want to explain magic, have one character that knows how magic works, tell another character that knows how magic works. Does it matter that they both know the subject, so this conversation makes no sense? No..it’ll be fine. I’m the genius that discovered this loophole, after all! (Said sarcastically, while mashing my face on the keyboard)
NUMBER 4: Telling Relationships
Building relationships can be a tedious and time-consuming process that involves conflict, emotions, and development. So I said, screw it! This character knows that one, and that one knows this one. Bam! All done. (Like an idiot) I’m not saying my characters can’t already know each other or be friends, but saying “he’s my best friend” doesn’t actually mean anything. I realized I was investing so much time building the new friendships that I abandoned the old ones, because ‘they’re already friends.’
So, what did I do to fix it? I had to change up some scenes, cut some characters, and dedicate time to dealing with issues. For example: One of my characters experienced a trauma several years ago, and immediately afterwards she lost contact with her best friend. So, when they are reunited, I just glossed over the whole thing to focus on the new friendship. As I started thinking about it, I realized there should be an array of emotions they needed to hash out—guilt, anger, sadness, loneliness, blame. So, I had to make time in my book to address these things. To yell or cry or however they needed to deal with it.
NUMBER 5: Too much Introspection
I have a conversational style to my story, showing bits of my POV’s thoughts. This typically amounts to short one sentence reactions. (Usually profanity) It can add a bit of humor to tense scenarios and show a sliver into the character’s mental state at that moment.
Example:
“You should be glad I don’t,” she said, laughing. Then stepping back, she leaned on a wooden pillar and let out a relieved puff of air. “Well, at least you can fight, because for the love of God…”
“Hey, I’m pretty too,” he said, poking her sides with his fingers.
Well, that’s true.
I personally enjoy this bit of flavor to my novel and try not to overwhelm the reader with it. However, then I also have introspection, which grants a deeper dive into the character’s thoughts or emotions. This is where my problems arise. I find myself telling too much.
Example:
Nikole could understand giving the responsibilities to second years, after all that was tradition. But Madeline? That conniving woman shouldn’t be responsible for anyone, let alone impressionable first years.
In my example, I’m trying to convey the malice Nikole feels towards Madeline. Nikole, for reasons the reader isn’t aware of yet, despises Madeline and thinks she is a danger to other students. But how I demonstrate this falls flat. It is telling through exposition of thought.
I needed to figure out how to fix this. That meant figuring out, is this the best way to get the intention of the introspection across? And can I make it more concise?
I ended up deciding there were better ways to get this across, by using dialogue, actions and the senses.
Dialogue:
“Madeline,” she spat. “Why in the Akasha is she a guide?”
Action:
Nikole dug her fingers into the leather armrest.
Sensory:
Nikole scraped her nails across the coarse fabric.
Example correction:
Nikole dug her fingers into the leather armrest, scraping her nails across the coarse fabric. “Madeline,” she spat. “Why in the Akasha is she a guide?”
This is really my favorite part. By using four fewer words, I could get the same emotion across for the scene, but in a much smoother way. I’m sure I’ll find more ways to improve or change my writing, but for now, this has helped me.